I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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