Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
