And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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