i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
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is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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