The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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