I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
