Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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