i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
