how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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