We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
