I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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