Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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