Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
