He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
