I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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