Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
