K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
