He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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