wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
