Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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