I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
