Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
