Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
