Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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