doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
