I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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