After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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