And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
