Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
