remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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