I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
