I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize