were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
there is puke in my bra ... again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
