just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
