She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
