he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No subtext here. People are naked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
