tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
