We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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