At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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