I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
