i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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