I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
