just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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