those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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