in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didn't notice because vodka
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
