I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
