Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
