Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
