Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
