I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
