I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
