last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
