I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
