I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize