ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
