I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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