He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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