My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
