A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
