If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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