Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
