I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
