Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
