now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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