She is in my trunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
