C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
