i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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