come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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