I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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