It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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