The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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