I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
