i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
