The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
