he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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