i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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